Unsolicited Opinions . . .

You’ve heard the saying, “Everybody’s got one and most of them stink!”

When it comes to planning a wedding everyone has an opinion and a strong one at that for how YOU should do your wedding.  Some suggestions can be fun and practical, but some can be awkward and ingratiating.  I equate the ‘unsolicited’ opinions thrown at me by loved ones, friends and strangers to what pregnant women go through when people feel so compelled to just reach out and touch their belly with complete disregard for how that may make the pregnant mother feel.

For this bride, it’s been  . . . interesting (to coin the most diplomatic way to describe).  I have some friends whose opinion I value and to whom I may actually seek – who have gone AWOL during this process and then I have friends, and acquaintances who very vehemently feel compelled to tell me emphatically how I should do things – skipping right over the whole suggestion part and just gunning for an unspoken, ‘If you do anything different from this, your wedding will suck’ kind of disgusted attitude.

And then there is the opinion of FAMILY! Yikes!  God forbid we should plan this day without consulting Aunt BettySue, twice removed because she helped Susie plan a wedding that was a BIG hit in the 70’s!  OR that you as the bride should already have your own ideas about what you want and how to go about it.  Suddenly instead of running ideas by your fiancée, you find yourself wasting a lot of time running ideas by several others.

So how does a bride find a happy medium between the two swinging pendulums?

Good question!  When you find out – let me know!


I found what worked best for me very early on was to LISTEN to these dissenting opinions.  Thank them for those but politely and strongly relay that I was NOT interested or had a different idea in mind.  So far, knock on wood, everyone that was pushing their opinions vehemently on me has realized to back off and just enjoy the process from their perspective and not mine.

So here is where I’m going to insert my opinion and you can take it with a grain of salt.  The cost of weddings across the country and probably the world is outrageous.  I do not personally believe in having a large bridal party – it’s ridiculous to have more than four people max standing up with you on both sides.  I have researched a lot of weddings lately and the new younger trend seems to be for the bride to invite in excess of four bridesmaids and groomsmen.  [I’ve actually seen in excess of 10 people on each side!  That is BEYOND ridiculous!]  I understand that things should be balanced, but there is no need for everyone to be in your wedding.  It literally looks ridiculous. In pictures the bride and groom do not stand out, instead what does stand out is a large picture with a lot of people.

In addition I don’t believe that the bridesmaids should have to pay one dime for their wedding day attire.  I think that is an expense that the bride and groom or whomever is paying for the wedding should pick up.  Same for the groomsmen.  If you are dictating what these people are wearing in your wedding, then in my humble opinion YOU should be paying for it.  I know it bucks tradition.  What can I say?

I do think that the bridesmaids should carry the expense of whatever showers or parties they throw for the bride.  Same goes for the groomsmen for the groom.  It might actually encourage Brides to no longer feel compelled to invite so many bridesmaids to be in their weddings.

Again this is just my two cents, if it’s even worth THAT much!

Here’s hoping this finds your wedding planning going very well!


Wedding Stress

It’s not a myth. It really does exist.  It can be found in any bride and varies upon age, personality, experiences, hydration levels, diet and exercise.

I have worked very hard to keep mine in check.

However, it has crept up on more than one occasion to say the least.

The first melt down happened fairly early on while talking to my mother on the phone during my lunch hour while I ran to the post office.  I remember her telling me something about family members wanting to know the date of the wedding so they could make sure they would be able to make it and I went from zero to bitch in about two seconds and started screaming at the world in general,

“Why couldn’t these people just effing wait for the effing ‘Save The Date’ cards!”

I have to give my mother a lot of credit.  Instead of escalating herself and making the situation even worse, she calmly told me to breathe, that everything was going to be ok and that family just wanted to celebrate the big day with us.  She assured me that we weren’t behind in sending the cards out and that I was allowing that thought to fuel my crazy.

It worked.  I breathed.  I calmed down.  I ashamedly realized how ridiculous I was being.

Then it hit me – I was causing myself more stress by imposing outlandish expectations on others (my fiancée was printing our cards for FREE when he got a free moment) and even more so on myself (I wanted them in the mail and I wanted it done yesterday!)  In addition to that we had regular everyday stressors with work and home and then boom! We got hit with a sudden diagnosis for Drew to have back surgery.

Needless to say, the ‘Save The Date’ cards didn’t go out until weeks later; but they were still sent within the timeline parameters that conventional wedding planning guidelines suggest.

The earth didn’t stop spinning.  I didn’t die because the cards didn’t go out when “I” thought they should go out.  Nobody had an apoplectic fit and foamed at the mouth.

All is well that ends well.

So, my point to all of that – is – YOU and ONLY YOU can stay unfazed by wedding stress.  No matter what timeline you give yourself to plan your wedding, get organized and be realistic and know that things will go awry.  Deadlines will be breached, but in the end, you are still going to marry the love of your life and your day is still going to be a wonderful celebration of that.

Hope that’s helpful.