Pre-Marriage Counseling / Discussion . . .


Pre-Marriage Discussion

When we first met our potential officiant I approached the situation very ambivalently.  I am not religious at all.  My fiancée is much more so.  I am spiritual and believe in the presence of a higher being, I choose to call them God, but I do not appreciate organized religion nor the monsters o f judgment, hate and mis-representation that it breeds.  Having said all of that, I was incredibly ambivalent about our wedding officiant.  My only dictate was that the individual performing my wedding ceremony NOT be overly religious sounding.

So when we met an acquaintance of my mother’s for coffee and to see if we would all get along, I was pleasantly surprised by my emotional reaction to him.  He was everything I never realized that I wanted in our wedding officiant.  He was soft spoken; kind eyed and exuded a quiet confidence born from years of prior military service.  He is a good family man and an elder within his church.  He knew immediately that I would not tolerate nor appreciate the hollow recitation of bible scriptures that religious people are oft to quote as a means of trying to elevate themselves above others.

He spoke plainly, intelligently and with just the right amount of religious reverence that my spiritual heart appreciates.  Actions speak louder than words in ANYTHING.  When people act upon their good will and intent, they don’t have to prove anything with words.  The TRUTH will always win out, no matter how hard the lies fight against it. There is real EVIL in this world and it starts with one’s heart, leads to ones intent and manifests itself in ones lies.  Good people know other good people, and our officiant is ‘good people’.

We met this past Saturday evening for a bite of dinner and our first pre-marriage ‘discussion’.  I was a nervous wreck.  My anxiety stemmed from the mindset that because our relationship has been very smooth and easy that some hidden upset would be announced and I would be blindsided.  As it turned out that never happened, thank goodness! We discussed the five love languages and identified what they were for each of us.  (Mine are; physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. My fiancée’s are; words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and gifts.)

In addition to identifying and discussing these topics we also went through a brief discussion on likes and dislikes.  The bottom line and I would like to think this is a great thing for us, is that we communicate really well.  This was noted and discussed repeatedly.

I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

I suspected that we communicated well with each other; I know I did, but I wasn’t always sure that my fiancée did – he tends to be conflict adverse.  Needless to say, when you harbor an environment where both parties feel safe – communication really isn’t THAT difficult.  Even if the topic is something you know the other party might not want to discuss or might not be happy discussing.

So there you have it.  We passed our first pre-marriage counseling/discussion with flying colors.  I am actually looking forward to our next.  Stay tuned.

Now we begin sending the invitations.  Holy cricket bat-man – this is really happening!

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